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  • Writer's pictureJen

How to become the leader in your life

Do you find that things just ‘happen’ to you or that decisions are made about your life that you haven’t directly chosen or perhaps that you just feel stuck with your lot as it is?

A lot of it has to do with not being the leader of your life.

So how do you become that leader?

The first step is self-awareness and starting to accept that your life doesn’t just happen to you, you are always the one in control (even when it doesn’t feel like you are!) This is harder for some than others and I empathise with those that do find it hard.

I found it challenging at the beginning and found it easier to fall into ‘victim mode’ where I would say things like, ‘I didn’t ask for this to happen’, ‘I didn’t want to have a breakdown’, ‘it’s not my fault’.

I hasten to add, this is not about apportioning blame anywhere, including on yourself.

This is about learning to love yourself, being kind to yourself and recognising that you can change things that you are unhappy about.

The second step is to start becoming consciously aware of what you’re not happy with in your life and I know career can be a big one, so let’s take a look at that as an example.

When you’re unhappy at work, it can have a significant impact on every other area in your life. Afterall, we spend the most part of every week working. And rapidly, we’re straight on to the next big issue – money. Many of us feel trapped and unhappy where we are because we need the money. We go around in circles in our minds trying to find a way out only to come back to the beginning with the same challenges and obstacles.

You are the leader of your life here, so what happens next is entirely your decision. Even if you get made redundant, how you react to that and decide to move forward is your decision.

To change anything in our lives, especially things that have been a certain way for a long time, we need to change how we look at the situation and think about it. In NLP, this is known as re-framing. When we look at things from another perspective we can come up with different ideas and solutions and this is where our minds come in as a powerful tool to help us be the leader of our own life.

If your best friend was in the same situation, what ideas would you give them to make a change?

What are the characteristics of the person you want to be?

If you want something to change, you need to change on some level. But you get to decide how, when, what, where you do that.

I started by watching TED Talks that inspired me, read books that challenged my thinking in some way and began practicing self-care every day. Slow at first, but my attitude, my thoughts, my approach and my world began to change.

I’d become the leader of my life. I’m not saying it’s easy necessarily but it’s definitely worth it if you want things to change for the better.

Let me know what videos and books you find that help and inspire you.

Take care,



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