I was embarrassed and, frankly, a bit worried about myself when I realised I couldn’t feel what I knew I should be able to feel. And what I used to be able to feel.
I remember my niece, aged about 3, came running towards me and I scooped her up and gave her a big hug and showered her in kisses. But I didn’t feel anything and that worried me, why couldn’t I feel love or anything else warm and fuzzy?
There were lots of reasons, it isn’t ever down to just one or two things is it?
It took me another few years to realise what the fundamental issue was (yep, years!) I had gotten so caught up in the ‘rat race’ and suppressed grief, fear, guilt and shame that I’d switched off. I’d literally run away from my feelings.
When we go through difficult periods in our lives and don’t fully process them, we learn to build up barriers and layers of protection. And when you’re an empath, those layers are many and seemingly impenetrable.
It takes courage, vulnerability and bravery to stand up and say I don’t feel anything. Maybe exhaustion, frustration, anger, stress and defeat, but these are all feelings telling us something in themselves. Finding that you’re not happy in your work / relationship / life is actually a great starting point because now, you can start to explore what does feel good.
When we switch off from the pain / hurt / sadness / grief then we don’t have to feel it. But then we don’t feel anything. Often, we get smaller and smaller and smaller until we’re invisible. If you can’t be seen you can’t be hurt, right?
But then we can end up in victim mode and this doesn’t feel good either – leaving us feeling disempowered and perhaps relying on others to make us feel better.
I can’t sugar coat this I’m afraid - you are the ONLY one who can make you feel better. Of course, family & friends can be there to listen and support, but it is down to you to do the work.
How can you learn to love yourself?
First, you must learn to feel again. I know it can seem scary but, honestly, what we make up in our heads is way worse than the reality.
Process and allow all the emotions to rise up - write them down if it helps. This creates space and also frees up all the other emotions too - happiness, joy, excitement, self-worth. It takes time but they rise up as there is space for them now.
Become mindful of your thoughts and don’t allow what’s behind you to make & keep you small. It is just your ego trying to keep you safe but when we allow love in the ego can take a step back and relax.
Talk to yourself with respect and care.
Treat yourself with love, kindness and compassion.
Ask yourself, what would love do here? What would love see in this situation?
Look at yourself through eyes of love, kindness and compassion.
Loving ourselves opens the heart, mind and soul to everything but without the fear of being hurt. Our world then starts to reflect back our thoughts and feelings – when you give love you receive it.
What will change as a result?
Love who you truly are and you won’t be afraid to be you. Others will love you for who you are and you will be visible in your true light. Unafraid.
So many other amazing things rise up too - the work that is truly aligned to you, the partner, family relationships, social life, your health & wellbeing and more.
And if each of us is living a life where we’re happy, loving and being true to ourselves, how might the world look?
How might people start to see each other? Through eyes of love, kindness and compassion perhaps.
How might people see nature around them?
How might people behave differently with consumer items bought to fill an emotional gap or desire?
How might that effect the planet we live on?
Love and accept yourself first. Then the ripple effect of love and acceptance begins to unfold. In small circles at first, impacting your personal environment. Then in ever increasing circles reaching far and wide. Wider than I’m sure we can currently comprehend.
So, love yourself and save the world ;-)